Friday, February 20, 2009

least we forget you are a martyr

I wouldn't know where to begin even if you told me just to start all over. I miss a beat and every second runs past me like in some sort of foot race. I think I'm losing. but honestly, I can't remember if I entered or not...

my dear life, where are you taking me? on which road do we roam? and what can I do to secure that the way we're traveling isn't going to end in a crash landing?

oh fatal heart, fragile to the ways of the wind... in which way will this end? probably in tears and uncontrollable fear... but possibly encased in happiness... something which is barely spoken.

as a smile creeps across the sullen face of a wondering stranger, who are you to judge how I am seen? who are you to tell me who I am and how I must feel... just a reflection in a mirror.. a fraction of what I think I know

and what are these strategically placed words? do they even mean anything? who am I to you?

why do I suddenly feel like today, I could be crazy

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

your letters up, press restart

I've been able to tame the untamable and lull myself to sleep with thoughts of what the next day will bring, who knew it could be so easy... alas, it's not.

in the midst of early morning dream walking... an overwhelming sense of dread washed over me. the perpetual sky turned black and my dream went from soothing; to a saddening twisted nightmare. Tears leaked down my animated cheeks onto the two dimensional road and I stared into a face so familiar, their words dug into me like sharp jagged shards of glass. My body convulsed controllably, and trickling tears turned into streams and a heavy weight settled on my chest.

wake up.
I hate this dream.
wake up.
wake up.

I struggled to breathe and inhaled quickly.

so this is how I'll start my day today... this will be the jumping off point in which everything will eventually go wrong..

as much as I know that the dream, was in fact just a dream, it's become hard to shake the heavy feeling that seems to have lingered behind from the dream state I was in.

and today feels crazy, and today feels wrong.