Tuesday, March 17, 2009

fight for what you believe in, just be prepared to fail.

I think the world is caving in on me.. I can't keep pushing it back and fighting this fight.

I woke up this morning on the wrong side of the bed, but not on your side. I woke up feeling alone, vaunerable, like nothing, nothing.. nothing.

When trying to convay just how I felt it seemed childish. and I can't help but notice things start to pull apart, but it's not mine to keep together... so I guess I'm not suppose to care... but it's hard when you've planted a seed and started to watch it grow... it's hard not to hope for the best.. but who am I kidding, the best doesn't know how to show up.

I feel like I'm being pushed away, or pushed out, or replaced, but how can I complain about such a thing without seeming like I care, because I'm not suppose to care. but that's too hard, because I've worn it on my sleeve and now it's getting dirty.

I have the worst thoughts and even worse dreams, and I can't seem to make them stop, I don't know how or when or why or where, I can't seem to make things disappear.
I just want to live my life, go with the prepetual flow that I'm suppose to follow.. but I, for some fucking reason, for no reason at all, have to mess things up. it's an unwritten law that I cannot just see how this life will go for me... although I seem to know how it will go.. it'll end with me still trying to understand..

I've been made happy by someone close to me, and I'm afraid to lose them because of my consistant over thinking and my worry for what can happen.
this is driving me crazy.
I know it is.
and I can't find the breaks.

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