Wednesday, March 25, 2009

pass the poison onto the next victim

I don't even feel like I can write.. at least well enough to get what I need to off my chest... lets face it the same thing has been plaguing me with nightmares and I can't shake the dreams of the inevitable ending.

fear has a hold of things and won't let go. which leaves things in a very odd placement. and I can't even help. I can't even speak because this is all wrong in some aspects.
I am willing to change how things are and where my position is in life to make things into what they could be, but the words can't even form, because you don't allow them.
I can't tell if it's because you're scared or because there is another reason.
I've given my all. and I feel like I'm failing. falling. feeling terrible.

the silence you've been feeding me is killing my ear drums and I don't even know what to do about it. I don't even know to feel. because this weighs heavy on my heart of hearts and I wish I could disappear. would I even be missed, the same question I've been asking myself for years.

I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and now you're blocking the way, you've put on a mask and I can't even begin to feel how I once did. I think my heart has given up. or maybe it's my brain. I can't tell. they're never connected anyways.

I talk in circles and I'm not even sure if anyone can hear what I'm saying.
I certainly don't know where I'm going and you seem to not want to help. all I want is for things to be. be just how I remember them. but I guess my memories are faded. because they'll never be what I had. you won't let that, I can feel it. but I'm too scared.

today, yesterday, tomorrow.. I'm sure I'll be crazy.

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